SOMETHING BIG HAPPENED

I really don't know exactly how it happened, why it happened, or why I waited so long to realize that it was fairly simple to make it happen. Don't you just hate it when that happens???

So what is it that happened?

Wellllllllll............I just so happen to have lost 45 pounds in the first 7 months of this year. That's right, 45 pounds that no longer weigh me down physically, mentally or emotionally. It's still unbelievable to me that I'm so close to finally looking like I did before I got pregnant with Brooke...Nearly 8 years ago. I just wish I would've found that determination to focus on myself years ago.

When you have kids and you're home with them all the time, something happens to YOU. While you know that you're doing something respectable for your children, you don't realize that you lose yourself in the process. You end up sacrificing your mind, body, and spirit for the greater good of your children. And somehow I forgot what it was like to feel good about myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so very grateful that my husband allowed me to stay home with my children and, I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I would have made some wiser decisions along the way. Decisions that would have undoubtedly made some of the last several years more enjoyable.

But that's neither here nor there...And life goes on.

I guess I seriously have to credit that wretched kidney stone that I got in the middle of the night of my 30th birthday. So, thank you stupid, painful, wouldn't let me sleep kidney stone...Believe it or not, you actually did me a favor. And it's changed my life for the better.

I quickly began cutting out all the soda, sugars, fried foods, and other unhealthy junk that I was putting into my body. It really just started out as trying figure out what caused me to have a kidney stone but, I was also tired of my stomach hurting with everything I ate. Suddenly, I found my jeans sagging on my butt and thighs more and more. And it just kept going.

A few before and after shots. Please excuse my stretch marks...They never go away :(
Check out my butt in these jeans. It looks like I'm holding them up but, that's just how loose they are now.

Now check out my butt...LOL! Much better!Look at the size difference of the jeans just lying there. Wow.

And what in the world do we have here??? Legs! Oh my!

I put these next two pictures side by side the other day and immediately covered my face in complete shock and disgust. I think my heart even skipped a few beats. Simply mortified.

I can't believe I'm actually putting this up here because I'm so embarrassed, ashamed, and in absolute horror of how I looked. But I want to remind myself and prove a point to all the haters out there that change is possible.

This was Christmas Eve 2009...Oh My FREAKING Gosh!!!! And this was November 1, 2010...Putting up my tree. YAY!

Can you believe that?!?!?! I never thought I was that big and never had any rude comments or complaints from my loving husband but, I wish I would have never let myself go like that. And I wish I would have snapped out of my funk years ago. I could have enjoyed many more things in life if I would have just been confident in myself and my abilities.

However, I see now why certain people were seriously in shock when they saw me and couldn't really stand to look at me. And some of those people I actually share blood with. You know who you are just as much as I do. It's ok though because I can't really blame you. I was gross and apparently my amazing personality just wasn't enough for you.

BUT...Quite frankly, I really don't give a crap what you think anymore. Sure, it would be nice for you to give me a compliment and actually look at me and speak a whole sentence to me but, I no longer need it to be happy. That's because I'm finally happy with myself. And I have been since shortly after I turned 30. It's not just because of the weight loss either since that didn't just happen overnight. It's more because I had an epiphany and realized that I deserve better.

And as harsh as it sounds, this became my motto (and Nathan's too)... If someone doesn't approve of me because of how I look or act...F*** 'em! F*** 'em all!

I know, I know. I'm sorry parentals. It sounds very hateful but I just don't have room for negativity in my life anymore. I don't want it, I don't need it, and I sure as hell don't like it.

Sooooo, you might as well be happy with me and for me because if not, I'm more than fine being happy without you. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. Maybe I'll fill you in on a few of the things I did to lose weight later on since this is rather long :-)